world shifters

Every time we read, a piece of the world we indulge in enters into our being.

We are like quantum mirrors, wired to shift through worlds, through realities. Each story we ingest is another set of coordinates unlocking another reality. When we are young it is obvious. We spend hours filling out our characters, continuing the stories our parents just finished. Children do not hide their imaginary play. But when we grow older, the reality shifts become more erratic, more embarrassing. We are not supposed to have imaginations over the age of 13, yet they still rage rampant. As we read, we lose ourselves into a different earth, a different reality, and our malleable body slips in with us. Like shapeshifters, only we are world shifters. We blend through worlds, consciousness streaming from Hogwarts to Middle Earth fluidly. The alarm goes off and it is time to wake up, to face the Capitol and eradicate their evil intentions, save the districts. And just as suddenly it is time to eat breakfast, to get to class.

World shifters are not rational. If they were, they would not choose to live in any of these worlds that are written about. Worlds where people face loss, pain, and impossible choices every day. Coddled readers would not choose these worlds if they thought about it. If they honestly looked at their capabilities in a mirror. But readers do not look into normal mirrors. They look into these quantum mirrors and see scars upon their faces, hair ragged because it was cut with a sword, eyes defiant because they are staring down an enemy, lips set in determination because it is time to live through another day of fighting.

The easy worlds never pull us in.

Life as a world shifter is hard, always that corner of the being that is being pulled somewhere else, somewhere that can never fully be. Always, the desire to reject shifting, to hate the other realities, to hate books and stories lies dormant, but once a world shifter has awakened her abilities there is no going back. Those worlds have laid claim to pieces of herself

pardon me, but...

The fact that people whom I know to be very peaceful, fair, caring, sweet human beings are crying at the ‘injustice’ of the fact that murder is being made harder to achieve leaves me heart-broken. Seeing my dear friends and their role models advocate the termination of anything organic makes me angry, sad, but mainly sick. Heart-sick, sick in spirit, and even physically ill. I just do not understand. 

I suppose that’s the root of it. I think I understand but I just do not. I am so radically, radically different. For me, it is all –all­- about the babies. The unborn children; their sweet faces and rough lives are yet to be lived. I don’t care about anything else in this matter; nothing else is as important. Nothing. If it were a life or death situation, me or my child, my unborn offspring, I would choose my child. I would consciously make that choice. I have lived nineteen years on this planet, nineteen damn good years. I still have many opportunities ahead, but I’ve had a decent time. I could never make the conscious choice to shut someone off from that life. from life.

It’s why I hate the politics of this issue so very very very very very times infinity much. I could debate some things all day and enjoy it. But this control freak epidemic is just too much for me. There is no way we can rationalize it to where we justifiably gain control over someone elses life. (I realize the implications of this statement on the death penalty debate, and it inspires me to reevaluate the arguments within that; but not at this moment)

once more: there is no way we can rationalize it to where we justifiably gain control over someone’s life. Not their quality of life, etc. etc. but their life. Their breath, heartbeat, consciousness. Their soul’s interaction with other souls. Their spirit making sense of earth, of humanity, of God, of the senses. As a woman, as one woman I do not want to ever have to make a decision that would prevent someone from being alive. With one signature I could literally obliterate a human person from existence. Change the future.

seriously let that sink in, please, no matter what kind of person you are reading this please just indulge your romantic side and imagine that. please.

I just can’t.

No matter what political, supposedly rational argument is carefully and articulately given to me, or thrown in my face with venom, or slipped to me in subtlety, I cannot let that option be given to anyone. The option to control human life like that. I cannot stand for it.

And I suppose I still do not understand anyone who could, no matter the extenuating circumstances. no matter the extenuating circumstances.

To watch these people I so dearly love and so firmly support and believe in, argue so rashly and emotionally against the people who stand for what I must stand for, it tears me to pieces. “do you know what you’re raging against. You are placing annoying, acerbic women above helpless life-unlived children.”

and so I keep quiet. I do not want to lash out. I do not want to alienate. I do not want to be them. I despise their methods (not them. never them.) their approach.

But I just cannot stand it right now. I feel like vomiting, like taking you by the shoulders and shaking you until your teeth rattle and the sense gets shaken into you. The knowledge that you want to end lives. you want to murder. you want to have sadistic control over humanity and breath.

The rage, frustration, and hurt is bubbling, and this is why I normally keep silent, but for better or for worse the radio silence is broken and the waterfall is rushing over and I apologize, to the right, the left, the middle, the up, the down. I know I am probably more like them than anything; my one and only priority is the unborn, theirs is elsewhere. We both narrow our focus too much.

forgive my outbursts, my posting of things I usually keep from the internet, my passion, my Texan pride, my naiveté, my grammatical and structural errors, my lack of trust.

Cora

A woman who has never in her entire nineteen years felt inhibited, unable, or devoid of opportunities in ANY way. more words I should not say. 

Almost finished

I am like a rag, dunked ceaselessly in a barrel of water and rung out, cycle never ending. I long to be laid in the Sun, allowing my weary body dry and revitalize. My lungs have no time to expel the water that was injected before more invades. My desire for the Sun deepens and intensifies, yet no time is allotted for recuperation. Back into the bucket, back to twisting and pulling til all has been squeezed out and yet still a ragged dampness will not leave. Back to a carmivourous devouring of a thanksgiving feast, placed in honor and reverance but attacked by a searching consumer. I am forced to consume in this way, discriminately, savagely, with no respect or regard. Knowledge is a consequence, perhaps, but so is exhaustion and irreverence. Yet that desire, unrealized and unquenchable, still rages, fueled and given motivation by the stained, holey, mildewed rag that I am

Essay 8; on Beauty

{An essay for my christian poetry class that concisely articulated some concerned pondering I'd been doing; thought I would share.}

     Is it possible to idolize beauty? Artists are seekers of beauty, in its many forms. In the current culture it is so easy to witness massive amounts of beauty. You can simply google ‘flowers’, or ‘Sistine Chapel’, or ‘babies’, and witness varying angles of the beauty that streams through the world. Artists are creating beautiful digital art and mass distributing it with the help of websites like Pinterest or Tumblr, which are partially designed to be gathering places for beautiful images. We strive to be surrounded by the beautiful, the decorative, and the transcendent. Amidst this abundance of splendor, we still yearn for more. The thirst for beauty is never quenched; a beautiful object is just as thrilling as all the rest you have seen. Yet if we are striving to be the most beautiful, even in deed more than in physical appearance, might we neglect our sanctification yearning? Though we guard ourselves against idolization of beauty, the sanctification journey is one of beauty as well; Christ transforming us from ugly corpses in sin to beautiful children of God. Thus the two are wrapped into one, and our desire for beauty is a natural part of our struggling towards sanctification. Jacques Maritain says that “He [God] is beauty itself” and later quotes Baudelaire as explaining that this intense emotion felt while witnessing beauty is not a joy, but rather an extreme melancholy caused by the realization that paradise exists, yet the soul is in an imperfect land. This definition of beauty’s impact in Maritain and Baudelaire is the clearest I have found. It provides hope that beauty is essentially God or God-breathed and thus will not distract, but direct the spirit to Him. 

The Graveyard

Beneath the creaking willow tree
My lonesome lover lies
Beneath the flowing mosses
Is where my one heart dies

Alone and yet forsaken
The wind to scratch my cheek
No face for me to slyly scan
Or hand for me to keep

Why my love did you so go
And leave my heart with rage
Why did you abandon me
Alone to face the age

And all I have remaining
Of your intricate brown eyes
Is a softly creaking willow tree
Neath which a white cross lies

Tea Party!

Yesterday we had the loveliest tea party!

 Theres not much I can say that these pictures don't. it was just *lovely*... indeed that is the perfect adjective. I'd never been to a real tea party, I realized, and I quite like them!

We drank tea, had worhsip and devotions, and watched Pride and Prejudice.

wonderful!


I found my new favorite flower!! rose/hydrangea mix :)

 Pinterest wins again, with ribbon bedecked mason jars. They were a hit!

Also, last weekend I went downtown with my brother and Nathan... we got QUITE a few good shots (mainly they did!)... you can check out my flickr for a couple more than this, but these two were prob my fave!

anyways. have a lovely day, and if you get the chance to go to a tea party... do! :) 

Life Snatches

Hello! Life has been happening and pulling me along in its currents! But I am a willing passenger, do not fear! I cannot write a dissertation on every fun event in my life... but I can handle captions. :)

My physics class went to the amusement park for a field trip, and despite the copious amounts of physics we had to do, it was quite fun ^_^ I rather like rides, despite my late entry into their fun grasp! It rained an awful amount, and my moccasins definitely got ditched (don't worry, they dried safely and are back in commission!) but it was uber fun! :) 

 I definitely hung out with these crazies more than I should have... kidding! Not near enough time! ^_^ starting a Bible study with the lovelies and boy am I excited! :) scary as they look, theyre actually quite uplifting ;)

I cut my own bangs! and although it didn't turn out *perfectly*, it wasn't bad at all! Saved a lotta money, and got some life experience (hair cutting is life experience, right? ;)) I'll def be doing it again! 

TGC 3, hard at work, warming their toes and napping, and making excited faces for the camera all at once! We've been working on a crazy interesting (sarcasm. but it's not bad!) research paper, but thats just about done [due on tuesday!] so... economics here we come! ahhhh..

ahh,

ah.

>.<

[pretty schola door picture ;)] 

The days last week were PRETTY. I'm afraid I didn't enjoy the prettiness as much as I should have, cooped up with homework and work and such, but AH. the time spent outside getting to homework and work was much enjoyed! It was COLD today (I am currently wearing two pairs of socks and my toes still feel blue...) but I'm hoping that's not an indicator of *this* week... oh please let it be pretty again! :) 

So yesterday my favorite guy in the world helped me get my room from this:

                       

To this:

 He is mucho bueno. pretty much my favorite cleaning assistant ever, so. yep. Lets just work on keeping it clean (for at least five more months?) He also made chocolate chip cookie dough truffles with me. they are GOOD yo. like. REALLY GOOD. make them someday. recipe is somewhere here. perhaps I will put the link when I locate it. :)
Like so -> http://www.loveandoliveoil.com/2010/01/chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-truffles.html     

VALENTINE'S DAY. It's the bestest guys. always been my favorite holiday, even before I had a valentine. Because there's always love in the world *cheesy face*
but actually, it's true! and why should we get a day to celebrate just ONE kind of love? valentines are fun to give to your friends, family, enemies, and OH if you have a love, that kid too. maybe a specialish one for them. that's acceptable. (do not understand the gift thing though. like. fancy gifts? cmon. no way jose, it's just a little holiday...)

 This year my class is having a PARTY and I'm SO EXCITED. Our class conveniently falls on the 14th, so we are exchanging valentines and eating food and just generally being COOL. ^_^ I orchestrated it and I am WAY MORE excited than I should be. but COME ON. it's my dream! and I got *tangled* valentines!! it doesn't get any better! like at all! ^_^ 

anyyways. that's my life the past week. <3 I also still don't have my full singing voice back from losing it completely at state, two weeks ago. That's pretty frustrating, but it's getting better. I can actually handle it just fine, not pushing it, until worship. Not being able to give one of my few talents to God in praise is not very exciting, but He works all thing together for the good of those who love Him, and ohhhhh how I love Him. All is well. :) 

sayonara [japanese! ;)]

LS

Endings.

Youth and Government State conference was this weekend!!

Three days of debating (lobbying) in the actual Texas capitol! I've done this for the past three years, but this year was different. This year, I was a lobbyist, as opposed to a representative or senator. This year, I roomed with three of the most wonderful people on the world, who supported and encouraged me throughout the weekend. This year, I felt relaxed and at ease throughout the weekend, as opposed to rushed and harried. This year I got to enjoy the whole thing with the love of my life.
It was absolutely splendid! From exploring Austin on our way in:

to exploring it while there, to exploring it on our way out, the weekend was fantastic. I am so blessed :)

ATF

Acquire the Fire 2012! What an incredible, God filled weekend. The theme was 'Normal's Not Enough'... and glorious surrender.
Psalm 37: 3-8 says "Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD
and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil. "
 What your heart focuses on is what you go towards. -if your heart is focusing on the things of this world, that's what your life will center upon. But if you focus your heart on God, He will fill you with HIS desires, and His will will be done in your life! :)

It was lovely being able to spend the weekend with these crazies; the people I am closest to in the world (with a few noticeable missing ones :( ) Being able to worship with them was absolutely amazing. The Lord is so good! :)

And I got to see this face a lot. Which was pretty darn great. <3 :) 

My love gave me this flower before he left for the week. He left it on my porch with the sweetest note. It's the little things. <3