quarter one.

I have now been a senior for an entire quarter. Yes, 1/4 of my last high school year is gone.
If I weren't inclined to writing, if I weren't a romantic, I could easily recount the past two months. Homework. Some socializing. Work.
But I'm not that un-reminiscent today.
Lately, I have... well, I don't know what to call it. I haven't become a photographer, by any stretch of the word. And I haven't lost faith in the written word either... but somehow I guess I just find pictures so much more powerful than I ever have before. Of *course* you've heard, a picture is worth a thousand words, but I guess I understand that now.
Now you're probably thinking I'm gonna show you a bunch of pictures, but no, you're not so lucky, haha! I just wanted to let you know about that interesting recent development; my fascination with pictures.
anyways. As I was saying; these past two months have been so much more than just methodical routines of work. These past two months have been:
romantic moments
stars
hands
renewed interest in fashion
SHOES
friendship stronger than ever before
responsibility
freedom
smells
faith
debating
stars, sweet stars
laughter
learning to care
learning not to care
finding God's will
hugs
choosing to smile
unity
loyalty
feeling restless
feeling at home
comfort

I could go through every day of the past two months and give you a detail of what I felt (oh, how I overestimate my memory) but I just don't think you would care, and I don't think it would end up interesting to anyone ;) I have found happiness beyond what I could have dreamed in these past two months, and beyond that, better even, is contentment. I can never proclaim to achieve perfect contentment; my flawed heart is always longing for something. But at least I can say I have felt the human contentment I can feel. "At last I've seen the light, and it's like the fog has lifted". I can even say I am not afraid for the future. Going into senior year was terrifying. I had no idea where I was going to be at the end of this school year, all I knew was that I was going to be leaving everything I've known for the past 17 years. But now... I'm not afraid at all. I am confident in God and His ability to lead me in the path He desires.
bring it on, winter. because fall has been lovely. <3

Cora
(p.s. - if you have an apple device and wish to see my life in pictures, you can follow me on instagram - luthiensnowtail)

Splendidly

Splendidly, splendidly calls the day,
The sun exclaims “I’m here to stay”
But fear I won’t of harmful rays
For you are ever with me

The heat wears on, but still I shiver 
Your softest smirk and laughter linger 
And I can’t help but smile as well 
For you are ever with me.

Senior Year

So I have a lengthy explanation I could give for this, lots of reasons, but basically... I want 291 photosets. A picture every day of my senior year. This is, truly, for *me*, not for the two of you readers ;) but maybe you'll like it... ? who knows :) <3

I'll hopefully post them in weekly increments from now on, but I just needed to test things and get this up! :) (click for full view)

08.14.11 - mom's birthday

08.15.11 - first day of class [physics]

08.16.11 - first day of class [TGC]

Parties

I always thought I was the one who loved hosting parties. Because I *love* parties, everything to do with parties, and well... going to parties.

But I HATE hosting parties.

You have to worry about all the little details, the invites and food and games and all that. and you have to make sure everyone's happy when they get there. You never have to time to *enjoy* the party!

so, world, I will minimalize my party hosting, FYI. but by all means, invite me. I die without constant social interaction ;)

Where Oh where has that little time gone?

No, but seriously. It's AUGUST. what is this?!?!?

I'll be a senior this year, and in NO way do I feel ready for college. I'll say I can't wait to move out, be free, etc etc... but I honestly cannot imagine being responsible for every aspect of my life. Bills, meals, all of it.

I've always been responsible and self-sufficient, and as a result I think I've always been 'ready' to move out. Not that I don't love my family, of course, and want to be with them, just that I've always found it possible. I'm also quite realistic - I've never expected life in college to be easy, always known the money and discipline life alone takes. It has *always* irritated me when people listen to my plans and smile patronizingly 'good luck with that!' or even worse - 'you know how much this and this and this costs, and what youre going to have to do to get there!'

yes. I know. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I think through things before I plan on them. When I find something I want to do, I research it to the nth degree, find out the information, and then plan on what I need to get done to achieve that something. I KNOW THAT COLLEGE COSTS MONEY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.

I've known that since I was *5*. And at least people don't point it out much any more (a senior should know, I suppose) but oh how they used to. I won't overestimate your intelligence if you underestimate mine.

1000 words

These are my absolute most favorite pictures of all time.

Are they the best quality? no. Do I look good in them? No! But they mean so much.

The first is a gorgeous composition, and just sums up my relationship with my dad. The other day, whilst aiming at a spider sticker next to it on the wall, I accidentally shot a hole through it. I nearly *cried*... and it's just a picture. But it's my favorite, and it's an original, pre-digital! It's fine though :)

The second is indescribable. Honestly one of the best times of my life (so far;)), the two people who I am completely closest to. I would trust them with *everything*. they've known me all my life, and they know my shortcomings, and love me anyways... and I'm the same for them. We don't *look* good in the picture, but it doesn't matter. The memory is what matters.

No matter where I go, I'll always bring these pictures, and display them proudly. I have plenty of others that I like, a lot even, other people who are worthy of being in a 'favorite' picture... but these... these are it.

<3 LS

Ode to School

I am currently procrastinating organizing my school year. I have SO much to organize, I barely know where to start, and writing a prosaic blog post about it seems so much easier. Also, where would I be without procrastination? ;)

I need a list of textbooks to get, school supplies to get, homework/prework that needs to be done, any other miscellaneous items needed. I also need to draft myself a schedule, and to-do list. I need to figure out what dual credit classes I need/am taking, and register for those.

Classes start in two weeks, a tiny amount of time for what I feel needs to get done. Yet I'd be happy with them starting tomorrow.

I hate school just as much as the next kid, and would be happy if it were wiped off the face of the earth. But I LOVE learning... and I love socializing. I'm taking more out classes this year than ever before, and am excited for the structure and accountability those will give me, as well as the new techniques of learning and such.

and, of course, the school supplies. PLUS all the extracurricular activities that come along with the school year.

The other day I looked out the window and would have sworn it was fall. I knew it was 100+ degrees outside, but it looked *so* fall-like.

I'm ready. This isn't exactly the *last* time I have to 'get ready for school', but... it is. I know getting ready for college is much the same thing, but somehow this feels like very first last time.

<3 LS

speed. love.

Just imagine what it must be like to drive an airplane.
not fly. drive.
Once you're up in the air it gets dreadfully boring. But for those first few seconds, as you shoot down the runway, all is bliss. Speeding down such a smooth, straight stretch of road. Pure joy. Who knows how fast they go, but it's fast enough to slam you back in your seat, the groan of the engines loud. Would I ever be a pilot? No way. Will I ever attempt 200mph? Perhaps. Legally, of course ;)

words of THE day

bellwether: a leader or leading indicator.
cozen: to deceive or obtain by deceit.
longueur: a tedious passage in a work of literature or performance art.
pari passu: at an equal pace or rate.
wheedle: to entice by flattery.
supernal: being on high; celestial.
malfeasance: wrongdoing, misconduct, or misbehavior.
florid: flushed with red; also, excessively ornate.
triskaidekaphobia: fear of the number 13.
antediluvian: extremely old.
sartorial: of or relating to a tailor, tailoring, or clothing.
vestigial: relating to a body part that has become small and lost its use.


The dictionary.com 'words of the day' from all my past birthdays (that dictionary.com has been in existence ;))

I find it amusing how, like, half of these apply to me. or birthdays. anyways.

LESS THAN A WEEK GUYS. who knows what the wotd will be this time?!

#winning

I just figured out how to predate posts.

I used to have 99 posts in 2010. now I have one hundred. OCD SCORE!!!

*does happy dance*

I have a feeling I'll be over here a lot more, now that that awful 99 isn't staring me in the face! ;)

check out the predated post - http://i-amawriter.blogspot.com/2011/07/cdo.html

<3 bestdayever ;)

LS

A Celtic Song

softly upon the dewy grass
our feet play games with ladybugs
they twist and twirl and lighty fall
and flatten down a grassen rug

the jig I dance is not exclusive
shared by the sun, and by the wind,
by the fawns, the butterflies
and by you, my dear old friend

we laugh and dance,
they dance along,
while the blue sky sings
a celtic song

and the green of my eyes
matches the summer trees
while yours gleam brighter
than the sunlit bees.

and our laughter joins
the birds' sweet songs
and it's exactly like
we're singing along

and the wind catches our hair
and it carries it around
as it does with the sweet scent of summer
and every glorious sound

while we laugh and dance,
they dance along,
and the blue sky sings
a celtic song

and as the sun sets down
we grow quite tired
and we lay upon our flattened grass
and stare up into blackened mire

slowly, stars blink on
small sparks of glory
and we find laughter again
at a remembered story

and one shoots across
and we shout, and wish
did we wish the same?
perhaps at similar-ish

either way, the night grows cold
we sleep upon our grassen sheet
a necessary joy, for on the morrow
we will start again with dancing feet

we will laugh and dance,
and they'll dance along,
while the blue sky sings
a celtic song

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

   time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.  That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.  I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Whatever is has already been,

and what will be has been before;

and God will call the past to account.
 And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,

in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment

both the righteous and the wicked,

for there will be a time for every activity,

a time to judge every deed.”

[...18-21...]

So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

groundhog... ten minutes?

So I've been trying to clean my room (a process that would take maybe TEN minutes) for the past hour or so.
I'm practically caught in a time loop.

see, I noticed my room was messy, and I have a friend coming for a sleepover tomorrow, so I figured I'd clean it tonight before I hit the hay. Well, I decided that pandora would be a great thing to accompany my cleaning, so I went to my computer to turn it on. I clicked open my internet browser and thought 'hmm, while I'm here, I might as well check facebook! oh, yeah, I still haven't messaged my friend like I meant to earlier. I'll do that!'
well, I get on facebook, spend five minutes creeping random people's profiles (coughleilacough ;)) and then look at twitter, then tumblr, then see the time and think 'oh goodness, I need to go to bed!'
I turn around from my desk, start walking to my bed, and then realize 'oh goodness, my room is messy, I should clean it for Maria tomorrow!'

I have literally done this five times.
about the fourth time, I finally got the message sent on facebook. that was an achievement.
now, I'm giving up. I'm just going to go to bed. and read. which is not sleeping. ;)

but anyways, that was my time bending moment of the night. sorta. kinda. ;)

It's not insomnia. it's stupidity.

4:30 am is truly a remarkably creative time.
and when you've been writing for six hours... not good writing, not emotional vomit, but boring formal, academic writng... well, you feel even more creative
it is as if you have been struggling against water pushing out through the hole in the dam, and now you can let it go. You've been trying to keep the water from coming out, or make it come out a specific way, but now you can remove your finger and let the water crash over you.
it's a splendid feeling.
of course, if the water drowns you, that is another problem. If you are drowned by sleep, by creativity, if either one (two of the greatest gifts from God, I believe) stifles the other... what to do then? which to choose? both are commodoties, both hard to catch hold of, hard to get time for.
it's a problem.
and problems must be faced head on.
except, at 4:30 am, I lack the focus to face a problem head on. I lack the focus to face a problem anything-on. I lack focus period.
which is why most of my 4:30 am blog posts end up like this, trailing off, strangely poetic and with such potential, but lacking purpose, point, arc & climax, ANYTHING. they are just drabbles of the mind, pointless, trailing, unending drabbles.
I could write random words forever. Just keep writing things, nonsensical things, but that would be of no use! or of some use, perhaps it would amuse me later, perhaps not.
I shall sleep now. I have to wake in two hours. C'est La Vie... *shrug*

<3
LS

Madame Monet (What Say You To Forever?)

A poem inspired by ‘Madame Monet and Her Son’ by Monet

“What say you to forever?
How would we fare together?
To lay side by side and stare at the sky
Blinded by the sun, but seeing so much.

To speak of everything, yet say nothing
To share a smile or a look and understand the deepest thought
To know the comforts and discomforts
To be as one

For now you are a mystery
Veiled, far away, seen through a mist
Our future is a dream, and a hazy one
The wind, exhaled as a sigh of longing, blows it away.

I stare for a while
I see us
I see our family
I see the future

But it is probably not the future
Dreams are dreams
And they are blown away, changed, redirected
Waves, tossed about, never certain of their course

Those fleeting dreams
Those quick snatches
Those ever-exaggerated scenes
Those.

Wind through the grass
While the sun beats down
And my hair blows in my face
As we laugh at ourselves

Then the mood is somber
Then I stare at you, tears threatening
Then you stare back, and we know
Then again… we don’t really know anything.”

Glorify Him

(orginally posted at http://thoughts-and-praise.tumblr.com/)

I was looking through another blog of mine for a post I’d written, one that I was planning to post here. It was very good and deep and all that, and it was tagged (on my blog) with ‘God’. I was searching through the tags for the ‘God’ tag and couldn’t find it. Now, on my blog I have the tags set in a feature where the most-used ones are the biggest, and so on and so forth. Naturally I was searching for the ‘God’ tag near the top. Certainly, in all of my righteousness I would have written dozens of posts about Him, and concerning Him. I searched for a few moments, and then couldn’t find it. Frustrated, I scanned the rest of the tags quickly, not expecting to see it. Of course it was there, almost at the bottom. ‘God (4)’ in tiny little print. Four posts, out of 113. only four posts concerning/about God?
I think, of course, this reflects our lives. We’re always being told to let Him be the center of our lives, and to do all to glorify and serve Him. And perhaps we think we are. I certainly thought that, if one were to go on my blog, they would at least get a little helping of God. I thought that they would be able to see my Christianity, and my passion for Him immediately. And maybe they can see the Christmas story, or the verse reference on the top. But is that enough? That’s not glorifying Him! Certainly it’s a start, and I’m not condemning myself. I’m not saying every post I make has to be about God. (although certainly He should be visible through everything I do.) I’m just saying, maybe I should focus on Him more in all my life. Maybe, even though I THINK He is the center, I need to make sure. I need to trace the ‘God tags’ in my life, and make sure there is more than four. Make sure I’m not just telling myself I’m living for Him.
of course, not to condemn anyone “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. (Romans 8:1-2)” just a reevaluation in my life, that I thought I’d share :)
~Cora
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16)

Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again

I want to go swimming.

Oh yes, it's not even march yet. Yes, it is snowing up north still. Yes, yes, and YES it is technically still winter. But that dadgum groundhog (whom I almost called a gopher) saw his shadow. Or didn't... whatever he saw (or didn't see) he said it would be spring. He said it was coming. And we all know, random gophers are always correct.

I mean, spring is here. It's been in the high 70s. We are in spring. But the trees are still brown, the pool still cold, and the sky is still gray.

oh dear. I long so for spring. Summer actually. Semester, get over with.

Ah well.

Are those new leaves or
are they simply old, dead ones
I just cannot tell

~LS

my laptop looks like an octopus, or an experiment, or perhaps an otherworldly being.

electrical cords portude from every side of it, splaying off in different directions. ther must be ten or more cords lying on the desk. They block it, make it look cluttered. I think I hate them.

part of me wants to unplug all the cords and throw them in the incinerator. It would make the desk look so much clearer. But could the computer survive? I see it as an ancient being (it's only three years old...) hooked up to all these things in order to stay alive. It's connected to life support, and to disconnect that would be certain doom.

naturally, I'm not going to unplug anything. These cords are all useful, and life without them would be quite difficult.

but I definitely hate them.

This is the way my mind works

A sample:

I begin by realizing (after I get out of the shower) that my hair is drenching my towel. The towel barely gets wet at all when it dries off your body, but your hair leaves it sopping. This leads me to realize that hair can hold a lot of water. As much as a towel, p'raps. And this makes me wonder if anything you would use a towel for, you could use hair for. Could you use human hair to mop up water? Could you use human hair to mop up... blood? I find myself storing this information away to use later, and then I find myself catching myself. Why am I saving this? What possible use could I have for knowing that human hair can mop up blood? Oh, it's for a story, I convince myself, I might need to know it for a story sometime! I then start to really think about the fact that blood can be mopped up by water. this leads me to realize/wonder at teh percentage of water in blood - quite a lot I'd say. And this, in turn, leads me to realize that I think through everything like this. Why does the hair make the towel wet? What use can I get out of it? Why can I get that use out of it?

I don't know if it's a sane mind, but it's mine.

last night i dreamed that we were at the hospital, (who knows why) and there was a protest going on. And I just heard the shouting and I was like 'Mom, why are they shouting?' and she goes, 'Oh, theres some like, Alex Day? and they're protesting something.'

Of course, I got excited (even though I don't even LIKE Alex Day) and went to see what they were protesting. They had signs that said 'down with 'utubeit' and such. apparently YouTube had come up with a new photosharing software site thing called 'utubeit.' and all the youtubers were mad because now they couldn't use any of the other photosharing site things. And then I got up and gave this super-motivational speech that went something like 'What's wrong with Photobucket, Flickr, Twitpic, or Dailybooth? These things have been around quite a while and they are loved! DOWN WITH UTUBEIT!!!!!'

this is why people wonder if I'm sane....

Spring

You stare at the title of this post, and your heart starts beating faster. not that, you think, anything but that. I can't take more of her pining, it's only january. Will I have to put up with this until april? it was hard enough last year, I don't think I can do it again this year!

have no fear. I am not here to moan and groan about the lack of spring. I have a fancy new coat! I want it to be cold!

*sigh of relief*
 
I just wanted to show you this wonderful poem by Emily Dickinson. :)

A Light Exists in Spring, Emily Dickinson

"A Light exists in Spring
Not present on the Year
At any other period —
When March is scarcely here

A Color stands abroad
On Solitary Fields
That Science cannot overtake
But Human Nature feels.

It waits upon the Lawn,
It shows the furthest Tree
Upon the furthest Slope you know
It almost speaks to you.

Then as Horizons step
Or Noons report away
Without the Formula of sound
It passes and we stay —

A quality of loss
Affecting our Content
As Trade had suddenly encroached
Upon a Sacrament."


<3

Oh, by the way, I really want to go swimming...


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

;)

LS

freebird. Or freewriting. whichever you choose. (if you choose freebird, you're outta luck. sorry)

today, in english class, we learned about freewriting.


WHAT IS THIS COMPLETE AND UTTER AMAZINGNESS THAT I HAD NOT HEARD OF????


anyways, jubilant and slightly angry shouting aside, I do believe this is my new favorite form. If it can be called a form. I assume all of you who have not been living under some apparent rock for your entire lives already know what freewriting is. Anyways. I mean, it's basically how I blog anyways. One giant freewriting excersise. Constant stream-of-conciousness. Anyways again. For homework we had to freewrite our thoughts on Frida Kahlo's Autorretrato Con Espinas. Well, I don't know why you would be interested in my sheet, but here it is anyway.


anyways. I say that a lot.

 anyways....



Exercise 1: Freewriting on Frida Kahlo’s Autorretrato Con Espinas


Autorretrato con Espinas. I should know what it means. If I actually ever did Spanish, I’d know what it meant. Probably.


The woman has scary eyebrows. almost a unibrow, actually. I would almost think it wasn’t a woman, but the hair & the butterflies classify it as such, I suppose. Plus, she looks like a woman, except for the excessive facial hair.


Autorretrato con Espinas – it means ‘Self portrait with thorns.’ I had to look it up, I couldn’t take it. Curiosity consumed me. With thorns… it seems almost as if she is comparing herself to Jesus… and yet it doesn’t seem that way at all. Clearly she’s not attempting to edit herself for the better. She paints herself as she appears, perhaps worse even. (Having never seen a portrait of Frida, I have no idea what she actually looks like.)


And what on earth are the gorilla & cat doing there? and the bird, tied to her thorny necklace. Oh, it has deep symbolism I’m sure. Eleven years reading Sister Wendy Beckett’s ‘Story of Painting’ have taught me that every paintstroke in every painting has a deep, deep meaning. A leaf symbolises communism, a hair out of place symbolises the life of muhammed. Don’t painters [and writers & poets] ever want to paint [or write] something without having to think deeply about it? I mean, sure, it’s wonderful and important to have meanings behind the things we create, and the occasional allegorical piece is splendid & thought provoking. But isn’t it exhausting to come up with a symbolism for every word – every brush stroke? My writings might have inside jokes… perhaps a hidden jab at contemporary life, & culture. But I could never write a whole allegory, or a limerick about Anarchy (that sounds like it’s about puppies)


I don’t really know if that was on topic, but I suppose you could say it was. That was my response to the picture. Disdain, and yet deep respect for the thought & the analysis required to paint, and to fully appreciate this work. Perhaps it’s just jealousy; I’m jealous I couldn’t ever create as deep a work (though at this moment it’s for lack of wanting to create one). My base, lazy instinct is, when confronted with a painting such as this, to say ‘oh, it’s nice’ & move on. Half of me screams at that quick dismisall though. It screams ‘what are you thinking? Do you not see the utter genius you are presented with?’


My word, I can go on! I suppose this is more than enough words! (And I could still go on for hours!)



 PS - My english teacher also suggested we all start blogs. He spoke for a paragraph or two on how wonderful blogging was. I felt smug-ish. I have a blog. wtg me!


anyways (<----- must stop using that. I think I use it instead of indenting my paragraphs or something? Or instead of coming up with something catchy to start the new paragraph? or where I would say 'um' if I were speaking? Who knows.)


peace, love, and goldfish.


LS

Ignorance is Bliss

I'm sure you've all heard the saying. Ignorance is bliss. But is it? Is ignorance really all that blissful? Our first response is to say no, no it's not! We've been brought up to seek knowledge, to ask questions. Ignorance is the enemy!
I'm here to tell you, from the point of view of someone who's always known too much for their own good, Ignorance can, quite often, be bliss.

From the ages of about 5-10 I was deathly afraid of thunderstorms. Not because they were loud and scary, or because my friends were afraid of them, but because I knew that with thunderstorms came lightning. I was terrified of the lightning striking my house and setting it on fire. It took my father telling me that our shingles were 'fire resistant' for me to calm down, and get rid of my fear.

If I had been a stupider child, then perhaps I would have had less fears. But is 'less fear' really  better?

its a varying debate, one I'm far too tired to go into now.

Ignorance:

the state or fact of being ignorant; lack of knowledge, learning, information, etc.

 

Bliss:

supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment:

 

 for me, ignorance is not bliss, but bliss is ignorance.

this post is rambly. I'm stopping it. thoughts?

Something EXCITING this way comes :)

in the very very near future... like hopefully some time tomorrow or so, I'll have something exciting to post here!

be patient!