The fact that people whom I know to be very peaceful, fair,
caring, sweet human beings are crying at the ‘injustice’ of the fact that murder
is being made harder to achieve leaves me heart-broken. Seeing my dear friends
and their role models advocate the termination of anything organic makes me
angry, sad, but mainly sick. Heart-sick, sick in spirit, and even physically
ill. I just do not understand.
I suppose that’s the root of it. I think I
understand but I just do not. I am so radically, radically different. For me,
it is all –all- about the babies. The
unborn children; their sweet faces and rough lives are yet to be lived. I don’t
care about anything else in this matter; nothing
else is as important. Nothing. If
it were a life or death situation, me or my child, my unborn offspring, I would
choose my child. I would consciously make that choice. I have lived nineteen
years on this planet, nineteen damn good years.
I still have many opportunities ahead, but I’ve had a decent time. I could
never make the conscious choice to shut someone off from that life. from life.
It’s why I hate the politics of this issue so very very very
very very times infinity much. I could debate some things all day and enjoy it.
But this control freak epidemic is just too
much for me. There is no way we
can rationalize it to where we justifiably gain control over someone elses
life. (I realize the implications of this statement on the death penalty
debate, and it inspires me to reevaluate the arguments within that; but not at
this moment)
once more: there is no
way we can rationalize it to where we justifiably gain control over someone’s
life. Not their quality of life, etc. etc. but their life. Their breath, heartbeat, consciousness. Their soul’s
interaction with other souls. Their spirit making sense of earth, of humanity,
of God, of the senses. As a woman, as one
woman I do not want to ever have to make a decision that would prevent
someone from being alive. With one
signature I could literally obliterate a human person from existence. Change
the future.
seriously let that sink in, please, no matter what kind of
person you are reading this please just indulge your romantic side and imagine
that. please.
I just can’t.
No matter what political, supposedly rational argument is
carefully and articulately given to me, or thrown in my face with venom, or
slipped to me in subtlety, I cannot let that option be given to anyone. The
option to control human life like that. I cannot stand for it.
And I suppose I still do not understand anyone who could, no
matter the extenuating circumstances. no
matter the extenuating circumstances.
To watch these people I so dearly love and so firmly support
and believe in, argue so rashly and emotionally against the people who stand
for what I must stand for, it tears me to pieces. “do you know what you’re raging against. You are placing annoying,
acerbic women above helpless life-unlived children.”
and so I keep quiet. I do not want to lash out. I do not
want to alienate. I do not want to be them. I despise their methods (not them. never them.) their approach.
But I just cannot stand it right now. I feel like vomiting,
like taking you by the shoulders and shaking you until your teeth rattle and
the sense gets shaken into you. The knowledge that you want to end lives. you
want to murder. you want to have sadistic control over humanity and breath.
The rage, frustration, and hurt is bubbling, and this is why
I normally keep silent, but for better or for worse the radio silence is broken
and the waterfall is rushing over and I apologize, to the right, the left, the
middle, the up, the down. I know I am probably more like them than anything; my
one and only priority is the unborn, theirs is elsewhere. We both narrow our
focus too much.
forgive my outbursts, my posting of things I usually keep from the internet, my passion, my Texan pride, my naiveté, my grammatical and structural errors, my lack of trust.
forgive my outbursts, my posting of things I usually keep from the internet, my passion, my Texan pride, my naiveté, my grammatical and structural errors, my lack of trust.
Cora
A woman who has never in her entire nineteen years felt
inhibited, unable, or devoid of opportunities in ANY way. more words I should not say.
