(excerpt from - The Utterly Normal & Boring Escapades of Elaine)
Today was the day! One of the most important days of her life, one of the milestones that marked her growth.
"I'm going to get my driver's license!" Elaine declared to all her facebook friends
She woke up at 7:10am so that she would have enough time to pretty herself for the photo. This picture would be her ID for a whole year... it was no time to skimp on the prep time.
She found herself with just the right amount of time, a great start to the day. She grabbed her large pile of forms and jumped in the car with her dad, eagerly anticipating the short line (since, of course, they were aiming for opening time... no one else would dare be there!) and the easy passage.
As she pulled into the parking lot she noticed a line outside of the door.
'Well, that's probably jsut the people waiting for the doors to open,' she explained to herself
As she and her father walked up to the doors, they realized that the people were in lines.
The lines had already escaped the building.
Sighing in resignation, she took her place in the correct line.
"This can't be too bad, right?" She wiped the humidity-caused fog off of her sunglasses and look up at the clear blue sky. At least it wasn't rainy! And hey, it was like a sauna out here! A free sauna! She smiled to herself, happy with her optimistic observations. And it only got better. She ran into a friend that she hadn't seen in a while, which was nice, and the line moved quickly inside the building.
and another hour passed
and another hour passed.
at one point she remarked to her father, "I see why they don't make shows, or write stories, about teens getting their licenses. It would be rather boring."
Her father chuckled and nodded.
after three and a half hours in line, they finally got to the desk. All their forms were in order, and everything was done quickly. Unfortunately, she still had to take the driving test. Frowning in annoyance, she scheduled her test for the following monday.
"Well, that went well." Her father made a face.
"Tell me about it," She sighed.
So much for all those plans for the weekend.
(~LS)
Showing posts with label Excerpts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Excerpts. Show all posts
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Evil Laugh
From Ruling The World: How to be a Megalomaniac and Assert Your Conniving Ways to Your Advantage...
"
Evil Laughs...
You must have one.
Now don't just go chuckling away and think that its all good.
It's not.
Evil laughs must be crafted, well thought out, and practiced. They are a work of art.
A bad evil laugh can ruin a person. Make you the laughing stock of the megalomaniac community. Don't even TRY to evilly laugh until you know you have it down.
Now... lets talk about the components needed to evilly laugh. I'm going to keep it simple, and give you five words that you should shape your evil laugh around.
Let's begin with Sardonic.
"
"
(From Thesaurus.com)
Please read that note. It's important.
Your laugh must be "bitterly scornful, cynically disdainful'" this is perhaps the very definition of an evil laugh.
Dont ever forget that
moving along.
Demented
"
(Thesaurus.com)
Now, you must keep this under control. Too demented and you can be seen as insane. Insane is most assuredly NOT something you want to be seen as. All Megalomaniacs are seen as on the brink, and having too demented of an evil laugh is a no go. You could be put into an asylum, or a fellow MM could try to overthrow you.
Easy on the demented.
it's still important though!! Just... in moderation.
Enraged
(Thesaurus.com)
hah, this one might confuse you a bit.
"I mean, its like a laugh right? Omg! It like totally cant be mad, like woah!"
Fail. Throw away your stereotypes and such, and just listen to the master.
You are evil. Evil people are not happy. You don't laugh at jokes. An evil laugh must be saved for the occasions when you are gloating over a victory, or about to face an opponent. And in these times, you have a bit of anger there to fuel your laugh.
Thus, it must be enraged.
Not boiling, you see, but just with a hint of anger.
Comprende? Bueno.
let's continue.
Humorous
"
(Again, Thesaurus.com)
Ok, ok, I know, I'm a little bit conflicting here. I mean I just said 'you aren't laughing at jokes.'
But come on. This is a laugh. It must have a bit of humor, right?
I really don't have much to say on this. It's just kinda... common sense.
going right along.
Evil
"
(Thesaurus.com)
"Its, like, an evil laugh! No Duh, its like, totally evil! Come on, omg!"
Please, please, have some depth.
An evil laugh is all too often NOT evil. I know, it's sad, but true!
Your laugh must, above all else, be evil. It must make people cringe, and be afraid. Your laugh should be the driving force of your evilness.
SUMMARY:
lets give it to you in a percentage.
80% Sardonic
5% Demented
5% Enraged
10% Humorous
100% Evil
:)
Perhaps the best evil laugh ever... Vincent Price, as heard in the end of Micheal Jackson's Thriller.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOnqjkJTMaA
You can fast forward - it's at the end.
Well, I believe that is all I have to say about evil laughs!
Work on it! Don't go into battle without a perfect one!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <----- acceptable written form." ~LS
"
Evil Laughs...
You must have one.
Now don't just go chuckling away and think that its all good.
It's not.
Evil laughs must be crafted, well thought out, and practiced. They are a work of art.
A bad evil laugh can ruin a person. Make you the laughing stock of the megalomaniac community. Don't even TRY to evilly laugh until you know you have it down.
Now... lets talk about the components needed to evilly laugh. I'm going to keep it simple, and give you five words that you should shape your evil laugh around.
- Sardonic
- Demented
- Enraged
- Humorous
- Evil
Let's begin with Sardonic.
"
| Main Entry: | sardonic |
| Part of Speech: | adjective |
| Definition: | sarcastic |
| Synonyms: | acerbic, arrogant, biting, bitter, carping, caustic, cynical, derisive, disrespectful, evil, irascible, mean, mocking, mordant, nasty, offensive, salty, satirical, scorching, scornful, sharp, smart-alecky, sneering, taunting, wise* |
| Notes: | sarcastic means 'derisive, tauntingly contemptuous,' while sardonic means 'bitterly scornful, cynically disdainful' |
(From Thesaurus.com)
Please read that note. It's important.
Your laugh must be "bitterly scornful, cynically disdainful'" this is perhaps the very definition of an evil laugh.
Dont ever forget that
moving along.
Demented
| "Main Entry: | demented |
| Part of Speech: | adjective |
| Definition: | crazy, insane |
| Synonyms: | bananas, bemused, crackbrained, daft, delirious, deranged, distracted, distraught, flipped out, foolish, frenzied, fruity, hysterical, idiotic, in the ozone, lunatic, mad, maniac, maniacal, manic, non compos mentis, nutty as a fruitcake, out of one's gourd, out of one's tree, psycho, psychopathic, psychotic, schitzy, schizoid, unbalanced, unglued, unhinged, unsound, whacko |
| Antonyms: | balanced, rational, reasonable, sane, sensible |
(Thesaurus.com)
Now, you must keep this under control. Too demented and you can be seen as insane. Insane is most assuredly NOT something you want to be seen as. All Megalomaniacs are seen as on the brink, and having too demented of an evil laugh is a no go. You could be put into an asylum, or a fellow MM could try to overthrow you.
Easy on the demented.
it's still important though!! Just... in moderation.
Enraged
| "Main Entry: | enrage |
| Part of Speech: | verb |
| Definition: | make very upset |
| Synonyms: | T-off, aggravate, anger, ask for it, exasperate, get under skin, hack*, incense, incite, inflame, infuriate, ire, irritate, madden, make blood boil, make see red, needle, provoke, rile, steam up, umbrage, whip up |
| Antonyms: | appease, calm, compose, pacify, placate, please, soothe" |
(Thesaurus.com)
hah, this one might confuse you a bit.
"I mean, its like a laugh right? Omg! It like totally cant be mad, like woah!"
Fail. Throw away your stereotypes and such, and just listen to the master.
You are evil. Evil people are not happy. You don't laugh at jokes. An evil laugh must be saved for the occasions when you are gloating over a victory, or about to face an opponent. And in these times, you have a bit of anger there to fuel your laugh.
Thus, it must be enraged.
Not boiling, you see, but just with a hint of anger.
Comprende? Bueno.
let's continue.
Humorous
| "Main Entry: | humorous |
| Part of Speech: | adjective |
| Definition: | funny, comical |
| Synonyms: | amusing, camp*, campy, comic, droll, entertaining, facetious, farcical, hilarious, jocose, jocular, jokey, joshing, laughable, ludicrous, merry, playful, pleasant, priceless, ribald, screaming, side-splitting, too funny for words, waggish, whimsical, witty |
| Antonyms: | depressing, dramatic, gloomy, morose, sad, serious, tragic, uncomical, unfunny |
(Again, Thesaurus.com)
Ok, ok, I know, I'm a little bit conflicting here. I mean I just said 'you aren't laughing at jokes.'
But come on. This is a laugh. It must have a bit of humor, right?
I really don't have much to say on this. It's just kinda... common sense.
going right along.
Evil
| "Main Entry: | evil |
| Part of Speech: | adjective |
| Definition: | sinful, immoral |
| Synonyms: | angry, atrocious, bad, baneful, base, beastly, calamitous, corrupt, damnable, depraved, destructive, disastrous, execrable, flagitious, foul, harmful, hateful, heinous, hideous, iniquitous, injurious, loathsome, low, maleficent, malevolent, malicious, malignant, nefarious, no good, obscene, offensive, pernicious, poison, rancorous, reprobate, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, spiteful, stinking, ugly, unpleasant, unpropitious, vicious, vile, villainous, wicked, wrathful, wrong |
| Antonyms: | auspicious, decent, good, honest, moral, sinless, upright, virtuous |
(Thesaurus.com)
"Its, like, an evil laugh! No Duh, its like, totally evil! Come on, omg!"
Please, please, have some depth.
An evil laugh is all too often NOT evil. I know, it's sad, but true!
Your laugh must, above all else, be evil. It must make people cringe, and be afraid. Your laugh should be the driving force of your evilness.
SUMMARY:
lets give it to you in a percentage.
80% Sardonic
5% Demented
5% Enraged
10% Humorous
100% Evil
:)
Perhaps the best evil laugh ever... Vincent Price, as heard in the end of Micheal Jackson's Thriller.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOnqjkJTMaA
You can fast forward - it's at the end.
Well, I believe that is all I have to say about evil laughs!
Work on it! Don't go into battle without a perfect one!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA <----- acceptable written form." ~LS
Friday, March 19, 2010
Blackmail
An excerpt from RTW
"Blackmail.
It's ugly, and dangerous. And it never-ever-ever works out well.
I have a bit to say on the subject.
#1:
Don't blackmail.
^
that is the most important. Unfortunately, you sometimes have to. Well, you never HAVE to, but it does sometimes make things a bit easier.
Here's the bottom line:
If you don't want to make enemies, ones who would love to kill you, don't blackmail.
although, if you don't want to make deadly enemies, you should probably stop reading this book!
anyway.
When - if - blackmailing, you must do it correctly.
Don't give leeway, don't accept less. And don't ask for more either; it makes you seem desperate and vulnerable. last thing: don't make it seem like you're getting anything out of it. Make it seem like you're doing them a favor.
i.e.
"Gimme your money, or I'll tell your boss you lied on the job app!"
you sound like a mugger. Blackmailers are sophisticated.
"I won't tell your boss! I would never! Of course, I'll need some compensation, preferablly monetary. I mean, you wouldn't want it to acidentally spill out, you know." *cue the gloating smile that comes when you know you have the upper hand*
That's pretty much all you need to know about being a blackmailer!
now on to #2:
getting blackmailed.
Ok, so really, you should just avoid any situations that people could blackmail you for.
BUT
if someone finds something out, and attempts to blackmail you, don't give in.
99.99% of the time, it should be something you can ignore. It's amazing how, when you don't care, people don't care. The blackmailer will most likely drop your secret. And if they do, weather it. Much better to have secrets exposed than to be under a blackmailer's thumb.
Of course, if it is a particularly bad secret, there is always a third option.
Kill the blackmailer.
sure it's gross, violent, and illegal, but it's the only sure way.
Although, that breaks the first rule, because a murder is definitely something to be blackmailed about!
So, we come back to the beginning... just stay away from blackmail!"
~LS
"Blackmail.
It's ugly, and dangerous. And it never-ever-ever works out well.
I have a bit to say on the subject.
#1:
Don't blackmail.
^
that is the most important. Unfortunately, you sometimes have to. Well, you never HAVE to, but it does sometimes make things a bit easier.
Here's the bottom line:
If you don't want to make enemies, ones who would love to kill you, don't blackmail.
although, if you don't want to make deadly enemies, you should probably stop reading this book!
anyway.
When - if - blackmailing, you must do it correctly.
Don't give leeway, don't accept less. And don't ask for more either; it makes you seem desperate and vulnerable. last thing: don't make it seem like you're getting anything out of it. Make it seem like you're doing them a favor.
i.e.
"Gimme your money, or I'll tell your boss you lied on the job app!"
you sound like a mugger. Blackmailers are sophisticated.
"I won't tell your boss! I would never! Of course, I'll need some compensation, preferablly monetary. I mean, you wouldn't want it to acidentally spill out, you know." *cue the gloating smile that comes when you know you have the upper hand*
That's pretty much all you need to know about being a blackmailer!
now on to #2:
getting blackmailed.
Ok, so really, you should just avoid any situations that people could blackmail you for.
BUT
if someone finds something out, and attempts to blackmail you, don't give in.
99.99% of the time, it should be something you can ignore. It's amazing how, when you don't care, people don't care. The blackmailer will most likely drop your secret. And if they do, weather it. Much better to have secrets exposed than to be under a blackmailer's thumb.
Of course, if it is a particularly bad secret, there is always a third option.
Kill the blackmailer.
sure it's gross, violent, and illegal, but it's the only sure way.
Although, that breaks the first rule, because a murder is definitely something to be blackmailed about!
So, we come back to the beginning... just stay away from blackmail!"
~LS
Friday, March 12, 2010
Threat-making
An excerpt from Ruling The World: How to be a Megalomaniac and Assert your Conniving Ways to your Advantage.
"
Violence.
It is the answer
But right now, I'm not talking about real violence. I'm talking about threat-making.
Threats are the spice of life. They take a simple request and make it... powerful.
Example:
"Please get me that glass of water" - Horrible
"Get me that glass of water, now" - Better, but not great
"Get me that glass of water now, or I will rip off your limbs and feed them to your progeny." - Perfect!!
And it must be said in a cold, almost bored tone, as if you tear off people's limbs all the time.
Now, you don't have to *actually* tear off their limbs and feed them to their progeny. That might be a bit... gruesome. You could get your minions to do it but... the hope is that the victim will just get the water and not complain.
I mean, we aren't trying to be the mafia, right? We are much more... civilized. Like, the civilized mafia.
Anyway, back to threats.
Add threats to everything you say. But, don't overdo it. When you are making small requests, do tiny threats. With large requests, come large threats. Get the picture?
Good.
"
~LS
"
Violence.
It is the answer
But right now, I'm not talking about real violence. I'm talking about threat-making.
Threats are the spice of life. They take a simple request and make it... powerful.
Example:
"Please get me that glass of water" - Horrible
"Get me that glass of water, now" - Better, but not great
"Get me that glass of water now, or I will rip off your limbs and feed them to your progeny." - Perfect!!
And it must be said in a cold, almost bored tone, as if you tear off people's limbs all the time.
Now, you don't have to *actually* tear off their limbs and feed them to their progeny. That might be a bit... gruesome. You could get your minions to do it but... the hope is that the victim will just get the water and not complain.
I mean, we aren't trying to be the mafia, right? We are much more... civilized. Like, the civilized mafia.
Anyway, back to threats.
Add threats to everything you say. But, don't overdo it. When you are making small requests, do tiny threats. With large requests, come large threats. Get the picture?
Good.
"
~LS
Sunday, March 7, 2010
An excerpt.
A quick bit from 'Ruling the World: How to be a Megalomaniac and Assert your Conniving Ways to your own Advantage'
------
"Always Demand. Never ask nicely. Never ask, period.
View examples:
"Please get up?" translates to 'I am weaker than you, thus I must beg and plead, and keep it nice so that you don't destroy me!'
"Get up. Now." translates to 'Get up or I will pummel you. I am stronger and more powerful, so I suggest you don't test me.'
This works even when the subject in question is, in fact, bigger and or stronger than you. They are intimidated, and really just feel that complying will be their best option.
The only time you should not use this tactic is when dealing with another Megalomaniac. If you demand something of a fellow Megalomaniac then it will become a contest of wills. Even if you are sure you will win, a will battle can be exhausting and can undermine your image.
The best way to deal with other Megalomaniacs is to ignore them completely. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have to ask one a question."
-----------
:)
thoughts?
~LS
------
"Always Demand. Never ask nicely. Never ask, period.
View examples:
"Please get up?" translates to 'I am weaker than you, thus I must beg and plead, and keep it nice so that you don't destroy me!'
"Get up. Now." translates to 'Get up or I will pummel you. I am stronger and more powerful, so I suggest you don't test me.'
This works even when the subject in question is, in fact, bigger and or stronger than you. They are intimidated, and really just feel that complying will be their best option.
The only time you should not use this tactic is when dealing with another Megalomaniac. If you demand something of a fellow Megalomaniac then it will become a contest of wills. Even if you are sure you will win, a will battle can be exhausting and can undermine your image.
The best way to deal with other Megalomaniacs is to ignore them completely. Don't put yourself in a situation where you have to ask one a question."
-----------
:)
thoughts?
~LS
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