4:30 am is truly a remarkably creative time.
and when you've been writing for six hours... not good writing, not emotional vomit, but boring formal, academic writng... well, you feel even more creative
it is as if you have been struggling against water pushing out through the hole in the dam, and now you can let it go. You've been trying to keep the water from coming out, or make it come out a specific way, but now you can remove your finger and let the water crash over you.
it's a splendid feeling.
of course, if the water drowns you, that is another problem. If you are drowned by sleep, by creativity, if either one (two of the greatest gifts from God, I believe) stifles the other... what to do then? which to choose? both are commodoties, both hard to catch hold of, hard to get time for.
it's a problem.
and problems must be faced head on.
except, at 4:30 am, I lack the focus to face a problem head on. I lack the focus to face a problem anything-on. I lack focus period.
which is why most of my 4:30 am blog posts end up like this, trailing off, strangely poetic and with such potential, but lacking purpose, point, arc & climax, ANYTHING. they are just drabbles of the mind, pointless, trailing, unending drabbles.
I could write random words forever. Just keep writing things, nonsensical things, but that would be of no use! or of some use, perhaps it would amuse me later, perhaps not.
I shall sleep now. I have to wake in two hours. C'est La Vie... *shrug*
<3
LS
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